The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Recap, An Informational Documentary
by Rielence
Summary: Seep into the amazing story of Twilight Princess! This is told by the man who saved the day. See the true tale! (Note, this is a joke and should not be taken seriously by anyone. I enjoyed this game and its story. Any bashing is purely for comedy. M for language and sexual stories told by Link.) Review and enjoy!
1. Me Myself and Reluctant Beastality

******The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess's Aftermath, An Informational Recap From Link After Saving the World**

"Yeah, Ilia is pretty cool. Except for that one time where she took Epona the day I needed to leave. That was pretty bitchy! But I'm over it, I've moved on. She _did _make me suffer through this spider infested hole though. The entire time I was in the little path there were bugs inside my clothing. They laid eggs in my shirt and some crawled into my mouth! I didn't have the room to move my arms and swat them away! So I endured it. But I'm a better person because of it. Those bugs are relatively good with rent. Sometimes they have little bug parties, and it gets kinda crowded in there. But normally they're just fine. I still wanna know how they got the disco ball in there though...

"So Link, how's your relationship with Ilia now? Did you go back to her?"

"Well," Link begins, "I still am pissed about the bug thing, but the thing is; she liked my horse more than me! We dated for a little while before my adventure ya know? We got decently far... Pretty hot... God, she was good at that one thing with her tongue... But I've over her. I've got some mighty fine queen ass now. And Zelda enjoys me more than Epona. The most awkward thing about dating Ilia, was the fact that before she would kiss me, she would kiss Epona first to show us both that she cared. I still have horse spit in my mouth. But everything we did, she did with Epona as well. I'm not even going to go into what sex for us was like..."

******The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Recapped By A True Warrior. **


	2. The Cold Night

**The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess's Aftermath, An Informational Recap From Link After Saving the World**

"Hey everyone, my name is Link. I saved the world and stuff..." He says, fidgiting with his hands.

"It.. It was prettyexciting I guess, saving the world from Ganon. But ya know, it wasn't all fun! One time I forgot my sleeping bag when I left the place I was at. But this was before I could warp everywhere ya see! I was curled up in a ball, trying to think warm thoughts. Then I thought, 'Hey! Piss is warm, what if I pissed in my sleeping bag? So I stood up, and drank a lot of water. Then, I aimed my 'Slingshot' at my bag, and let it rip. After I was done, I got back into the bag. And it wasn't warm at all! It was colder! The piss had lost its original heat, and had just about frozen over in the bag! So there I was, covered in my own piss, cold as could be, and on top of everything else; I realized that I left the sink on at my house. Everything was flooded when I got back, huge fucking mess!"

**The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Recapped By A True Warrior.**

**'**


	3. It DOES NOT Make the Room Smell Better!

******T********he Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess's Aftermath, An Informational Recap From Link After Saving the World **

******"Midna?" Link asks. "She was kinda cool. She pissed me off a lot during my adventure, but that's beside the point. She one thing she did that pissed me off though, was this. I was in my tent that I bought from Malo Mart, and she got a fucking jerkish idea. She got gorilla tape, and an axe deoderant spray bottle. She pulled the bottle slot down so it was ready to spray, and pushed the button. After she pushed it, she taped it down so it was stuck in spray mode. She threw it into my tent while I was sleeping! Before I knew what was happening, there was another one in the tent! By the time I got out, there was about seven bottles spraying everywhere, and I was close to passing out! When I got out of the tent, she shoved the shard of darkness into my fucking skull, and forced me to be a wolf! Then she used her demon hand to restrain my weakened self and sprayed an entire bottle in my face!"**

** Everyone in the audience laughs their asses off.**

** "It's not funny! This is serious! A kid died from using too much of that shit! God you guys suck! Why do I even do this show? We're breaking the time period law! Reviews are going to be pissed!" Link shouts.**

** "Um.." The interviewer interrupts, "That would mean we ****_had _****reviewers..." **

** "I fucking hate this job. I'd rather go back to being that Yettie's fetcher...**


End file.
